Category: Special Guest
Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women is one of my fav blogs. I read this blog, and while the originations are from the POV of an African woman, (I am African by the way, keep the booty scratcher comments to a minimum please), I feel it is very relevant to buppie women. Would you date below your class?
Dating Below Your Class
My new favourite blog is ‘Mind of Malaka’ and its not because its written by my BFFFL (Best Friend for Freakin Life) and co-blogger for Adventures. Mind of Malaka is my new fav blog because the writing is excellent, the author’s frankness/humour shines through and the issues she chooses to deal with are the realities she encounters.
Her latest post dealt with an issue that comes up from time to time where women and relationships are concerned – ‘dating below your class’. Now what does that mean? Dating below your class simply means dating a man who is not your equal – not your equal in terms of social status, not your equal in terms of educational/work achievements, not your equal in regards to anything…I always felt that it was only Ghanaian women (does this apply to women from other African countries?) living abroad who ended up dating below their class. Why? For the same tired old reasons – the black men abroad choose to date white women, mixed race women and any other woman rather than the women who originate from their own countries. In a way I don’t blame the men – suddenly the average African man travels to the west (when I say abroad I tend to mean the west) and he’s exoticised/eroticised as a handsome black hunk with above average sized male appendages…
Now let me not loose my train of thought. What is the issue with dating below your class? This issue came up time and time again on Home Affairs, Joy 99.7 (a Ghanaian radio show/station) that the author Boakyewaa Glover and I were recently invited on to share our perspectives on why so many accomplished women are single – I guess we were both the poster ‘women’ for single accomplished women.
Now I wish I could put my hand on my heart and say class doesn’t matter. I wish I could put my hand on my heart and say I could meet a guy from Bukom tomorrow who is a carpenter with no education past JSS and as long as I loved him nothing anyone says matters. My truth though is that is does matter. It does matter whether the man I’m attracted to is capable of eating in a restaurant without embarrassing me (note: he does not need to know how to use all the umpteen cutlery but he does need to know that the warmed towel brought round is not to wipe your face). I don’t mind dating people who are purposely counter-cultural, in fact I am usually attracted to men who choose to shun conventions, who choose to pursue their passions, who choose to grow their hair long but in my local context (Ghana) I find that those with the freedom to make those choices are still from ‘my social class’. We went to the same kind of schools; we have the same sort of friends…some people just choose to break the rules.
One of my biggest concerns with dating outside your class is that it only adds to the issues that men have. Most men have been socialized to have an expectation of superiority to the women they date. In my experience when men date above their social class (in this instance social class also means a woman who earns more/is better educated/has greater social mobility for e.g.) his insecurities are magnified and nothing you the woman does is going to make him feel better. In the long run his insecurities drive you away or he leaves you for a woman who makes him feel secure (one who is in his social class or even below his social class). I feel that for a man dating below your social class is not as big a deal as it is for women. Am I wrong?
What are your general thoughts on social class and dating?
I am always looking for ways to manage my money. I mean, maintaining my lifestyle and reaching a financial goals are important to me. Wanted to share an avenue in which I get a lot of my tips.
I use 7/10 of these services. Buppie Must Do!
Sharing this Post by a very Special Buppie!
This is CaliTransplant… yup a native LA girl trying to make it in the DC world. I will be dropping by to share some of my experiences here in the DMV from time to time. Today my entry is dedicated to DC dating, match.com style.
So I joined match.com within days of my move to DC. I was ready to get the ball rolling immediately. I wanted to cut out all the hoops and circles traditional “sifting thru the b*ll$hit” or “romantic networking/interviewing” involved. Was
that desperation? I don’t think so, I call it tenacity. Let’s be honest, I moved to DC to be surrounded by successful professional black people and I figured the internet would be the quickest way to filter out the potentials.
And what did Match.com yield? Three prototypes that, should you ever consider jumping on the internet dating bandwagon, avoid like the plague!
The Misrepresenter: (yeah I made up the word!) – Yes, he lied! I expected a certain amount of truth stretching considering the forum we met, but STRETCHING THE TRUTH ABOUT HEIGHT is pretty much a NO-NO. He had me anticipating a man 6 feet plus, so I cranked out the “KILL EM GIRL” heels, showed up to the date, and was looking down on Napoleon. (And I am of average height)
New rule, whatever they write on their profile, subtract 2 inches.
The Bore: Physically, a delightful specimen. Intellectually, it was like watching paint peel! BORING AS HELL! This probably could have been avoided had I engaged in more than one telephone conversation with the man. MY BAD!
New rule, have at least two voice conversations, longer than 15 minutes, prior to the date.
The Absconder: This character takes the cake! Still scarred from “The Bore” I made sure to engage him in decent conversation on multiple occasions and determined he was date-worthy. And what happened you ask? He up and left in the middle of the date. Yup. Straight up BOUNCED! AFTER he called to push back the date by 30 minutes TWICE and AFTER rescheduling the date from the previous week because he was “under the weather”. THIS MAN LEFT!
-Scene-
Holding half a glass of chardonnay in my hand, this man stood up, closed the tab, dug in his pocket for a cash tip and then glanced over to me and asked nonchalantly “You done?”
I still had HALF A GLASS OF WINE IN MY HAND – No sir, I am not done! Did I say that? No, rather I held my glass up towards him indicating that the glass was Still HALF FULL, to which he replied “Ready?”
WTF!!!!! READY???!!!!????? What did he mean? In that instant, I was lost. Is he asking me or telling me? Ready for what? Ready to hit up the next spot? If so, with me? Without me? Ready to part ways for the night? What the hell did that damn “ready” mean?!
So in a confused stupor, I respond “…Well let me just chug this wine and I’ll be good…” And then he said – CLINCHER- : “Don’t rush..I’m just gonna (inaudible)….excuse myself.”
Ahhhhhh! I get it now!
-End Scene-
New rule, “ready” is now defined as – (adv.) IMMA UP AND LEAVE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DATE.
I know you are wondering, what happened to make him “ready”. Not sure really, but the date wasn’t exactly smooth to begin with. Besides the late start and rainy weather, He was a LOUDTALKER. LOUD AS HELL, to the point where other people kept looking at him CRAZY and I became self-conscious and uncomfortable. Then, facing the possibility of being temporarily deaf in my right ear, I had to tell him, politely, “whoa you are like yelling.” (Hmm can that be said politely?) So all of that, in combination with awkward pauses, darting eyes and him sweating in his sports coat, eventually made him “ready.”
FYI, I am on a match.com sabbatical, going to do it the old-fashioned way now – circulating and networking – I am sure it will reveal an experience just as colorful. Be on the lookout for an upcoming entry – DC dating – ol skool style.
whatdcpeoplehate.blogspot.com/
is written by an uber fabulous woman who lives her life for her. Her blog is a combination of her daily rants and events reviews. Above all its is always *true*. In the spirit of showcasing good blog love, and I dearly enjoy True. She wrote this feature just for us. Enjoy and show her blog some love
Yall know that I love everyone and the diversity of people. But you buppies, yall can be quite aggravating. Not 100% cause I done kicked it with a few of yall. But seriously..somethings…Ugh..read on…
What I hate about D.C Buppies
1. You don’t know anything about them other then how many degrees they have. The conversation goes like this “so what do you like to do” them: “Get my 2nd masters and PHd”…”No what do you LIKE to do..like outside of that “ “Is there anything outside of that?” “what do you like to do for fun”..Fun….”whats that..im working towards my 5th degree.”
2. All they do is work…WORK WORK WORK..and work…AND WORK..the hell you working so much for. You gon be old by the time you get finished doing all that work. Working all them hours and all that time so you can live comfortably. And by the time you done, you gotta move to a retirement home LMAO. Never statisfied MOFOS lol
3. They think they better than everyone else…WHY..I dunno. Cause they are in more debt than others from home ownership and college loans and what not? Cause they have the entire alphabet behind their name? Cause they pay too much for rent just to say they live in a certain area…BOOO…
4. They care too much what people think – wtf..do yall dance, sing, get loud, have a hair out of place. Sometimes I think yall are effing robots. I bet you if you go near water you will malfunction. Mm Hm…I know that’s the real reason why you don’t see buppies getting into the pool at pool parties and why they claim they can’t get their perms wet. Whatever. Yall aint human..I want to see some sweat or blood or something. So what if you like Gucci Mane. Your 15 degrees won’t get revoked if you do something ignant every once in a while. No one is REALLY watching you..trust me.
5. Buppie MEN don’t think any woman is good enough for them – yall might as well date eachother since you too good for every damn woman you meet. You’d be quick to by a round of drinks for your man but not 1 dranks for that pretty lady standing next to you. UGH…like I said. Date eachother. Dammit..better yet..date your degrees
6. Buppie Women..STOP HOLDING UP THE DAMN WALL in the club. It has support beams. Let the beams do their job. Smile too. I know its hard for you to smile when your weave is so tight or your perm has burned your scalp, but its going to be alright. We see that you fly? You don’t have to mean mug us to get us to notice it. Smile and be proud that you independent and on your way to wealth. Besides..your nose will get stuck that way (shoot that’s probably what you want)
7. Stop Discriminating – yall worse than racist mofos. Yall got education discrimination, area discrimination, job discrimination, salary discrimination, house discrimination. DAMN..Im bout to write the NAACP about our own damn people call Farrakahn and Al Sharpton. Yall need some sensitivity classes and some reality check 101. SHYT HAPPENS..its not above you.
8. They all seem to be the damn same. They act the same, talk the same, like the same things. Shoot. That’s how you can spot them. You can’t tell them apart. If they say “We” all look alike its cause of you damn buppies. Least with ghetto girls you can tell the difference by what color they have on.
You know what, maybe its because they don’t have degrees on how to be yourself. If you can’t learn it in a college or textbook or spend thousands learning it, then its something you don’t possess or know how to do. Do they have degrees in PERSONALITY? If so yall need to obtain one. Matter of fact, let me start the True’s College of Personality. This will not be online, it will be accredited and will count towards your degree in getting of your high horsededness.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know not all buppies possess all these qualities. Some do some don’t. And PLEASE I’m not asking you to change. Hell you don’t affect me in anyway other than the monotony of your lives being in my face all the damn time. That’s cool tho. Someone’s gotta be a buppie just like someone’s gotta take out the buppies trash.
True
I would like to introduce you to Something Special! She is fellow blogger, and I enjoy her work very much. I want you to support and subscribe to speakresponsibly.blogspot.com today. It is a buppie must! Check this here blog out. Awesome Thoughts! and Buppie Men, please comment!
For further study on this subject go to this website for more information it was truly helpful to me along with my own thoughts and bible study notes. http://www.cbmw.org/Online-
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