So, did you hear? They caught Osama bin Laden. No, no lie.

When I heard this Sunday night at work, I was shocked. I didn’t know what to think. Then I saw people on CNN cheering, hugging, and grinning like they’d won the lottery. Maybe “The Lottery,” by Shirley Jackson? That celebrating is creepy as hell. Am I the only one who thinks celebrating death like that (unless you’re celebrating someone’s life, in the spirit of a jazz funeral) is bad luck? I’m just saying.

The last few weeks have been all about Obama’s birth certificate. Because surely one of those people can’t be our president LEGALLY. So while Obama is hearing all of these details of his location and being actively involved in decision making that actually found our very unfriendly version of Carmen San Diego, the right is demanding to see our president’s birth certificate. I can only imagine the president’s thoughts right now. Probably something like “Bow down, bitches?” (Thank you, American Idol reject Rhonetta for that quote. I knew it would come in handy someday.)

Almost ten years, and the mission is finally, truly accomplished. What the hell? How did we get here? Well, I’ll say this. If you’re going to say things like “bomb them to the stone age,” “smoke them out of their holes,” “dead or alive,” and putting bounties on your suspect’s head like it’s some kind of twisted Tarantino western, show some fidelity and do it.

But this chapter ends instead with a tale of someone who was all talk and no (real) action, running all up and through Iraq…while bin Laden is laid up in Pakistan having a grand old time (so to speak). Someone so focused on his own personal pocketbook/business instead of truly accomplishing some mission. And it took our supposed incognito alien, Muslim president to take care of business.

BOOM! How’s that for an ending?