Posts Tagged ‘cheating’
When DC Bup brought this “Played” idea to us buppie writers immediately a person came to mind for me to write about. It was someone who I actually wrote about on this blog but never disclosed what caused his demise. For those of you that have been reading this blog for over a year and remember some of my entries while I was in South Korea you may remember me occasionally writing about Mr. Nice Guy. A friendly southern gentleman that I grew to like during my foreign adventure. We had a great time traveling the country together, trying new things, and meeting new people. Welp…..he PLAYED me! Now to hear him tell it of course that was not his intent, however, that is what happened. I felt betrayed, hurt, and most of all PISSED THE HELL OFF! But now that all of these emotions are long gone I look back on it and laugh and thank him for the lesson learned. Well here is the story of his demise.
Both of my parents had visited me in South Korea and both parents had met MNG. However, with them visiting back to back I did not get to spend as much time with MNG due to the fact that he lived over an hour away and there was no time for us to hang out while my parents were there. So there was an approximate 3 week window in which our interaction was extremely limited. Aside from our few exchanged text messages and the meals that we had with my parents he was not around and clearly to him I was out of sight out of mind. Before my father left he told me in his way that he wasn’t really feeling MNG and thought that I should have my fun and leave it at that. He has pretty good intuition but I did not want to believe what he was saying. After all I still had over 6 months left in South Korea and was still looking forward to spending a lot of that time with him.
Anyway after dropping my father off at the airport I had already made plans to have dinner with MNG and some friends. I was excited about seeing him. I got to his apartment to find him acting a bit strangely but thought nothing of it. He showered and began to get dressed and I saw something on his back…..a scratch. A relatively newly healed scratch. Sooo this is the thought that immediately entered my mind:
I kept my cool though and just continued our conversation. I chimed in,
“Hey, you know you got a nasty scratch on your back?”
“Huh?”
“You have a scratch on your back!” I exclaimed louder so he could not pretend like he didn’t hear me the second time.
“Oh.” he replied in an unsettling voice as he went into the bathroom to check things out in the privacy of his mirror.
“Soooo how did that get there?”
“Ummm I don’t know.”
After a few moments of awkward silence I asked him again how he got that scratch on his back. Finally he exclaimed that he had to tell me something. I already knew what it was but I listened anyway as he gave me some lame ass excuse as to why he had slept with someone else and how it was only one time blah blah blah. But at this point I no longer believed anything that came out of his mouth. One of the things I always asked of MNG from the start was that if he was sticking his thing in anyone else that he would tell me. Now I know what you all are thinking…. YEAH RIGHT! Like any man who wants to keep the peace would tell that. But honestly, if he did I would have had more respect for him and he wouldn’t have lost the trust. But the fact that I had to find out there was someone else in that fashion was just shady and dirty to me.
Needless to say that after this happened our relationship never rebounded to where it was. I left his apartment shortly after and we did not speak for close to a month. And even when we did start speaking again it was never the same. I remember him saying that he never meant to hurt me and that he is not a bad person. He just had some work to do on himself. I respected that so I left him alone. I think what made me feel so damn played was that we really grew quite close and at the time it seemed as if I wasn’t important enough to him to salvage our relationship. It was rough but hey I had to move on and I did for the better. After he and I stopped hanging out I developed new relationships with some great women who I never would have started hanging with as much if me and him didn’t fall out. Also I rekindled things with the man I was in love with at home which ultimately was the best thing that could have happened to me.
In the end I appreciated MNG. I appreciated him for making my time in South Korea much more memorable and for ultimately revealing to me that I had something better waiting for me at home. I also appreciated him for teaching me another hard lesson about trust and betrayal. We are still cordial and I no longer have any hard feelings towards him. But he did indeed PLAY ya girl!
Based on a True Story… (Written on a Sunday Afternoon during a Saints Game…)
I know this buppie man, Reggie , I never knew him to ever have a girlfriend. I would see him all over the city. Doing what I see many men do, going after ass. He always appeared so slimy to me so, I never really got too close to him. However, we had lots of common friends.
One of our common friends, Kim, grew up with Reggie. Kim and I are very cool buppie chicks and naturally bonded. A few years ago, I was catching up with my homie Kim. She mentions that Reggie has a jumpoff in Chicago that he would just come in town and EFF. Kim stopped associating herself with this Chicago chick. (Excommunicated like a homosexual Muslim.) Kim thought it was beyond tacky of Chicago, because Chicago knew that Reggie had a girlfriend in Boston.
OH WORD?! #Welldamn. I knew he was a slime ball.
Anyway, I chat with Kim the other day (and years later) and she says she is going to Reggie’s Wedding.
I ask, “Who is he marrying?”
Kim informs me it is quite an interesting situation. “Boston. All of Reggie’s boys are trying to talk him out of it. Boston is such a good girl. His boys are like “What are you doing dude?!!?” Reggie has been effing Chicago since him and Boston got together.”
I ask, “Wow. How can Boston not know?”
Kim says “I have no idea. But she is not with him in DC or Chicago. So maybe since she is not close…”
I , always giving folks the benefit of the doubt , ask “Really, how do you know he is still effing Chicago?”
Kim, who lives in Chicago, says ” This NASTY A$$ N!GGA He came in town last week and asked to use my couch to BEAT. Seriously, I was like please stop. When I said no, Reggie asked one of his boys can he spend a night on his couch. BOOM. Boy walks into living room, he see’s Reggie and Chicago getting it in right there on the man’s couch. That ho is nasty.”
I shook my head. “Why does he feel the need to get married?!”
Kim, “Well apparently he thinks marriage will change him.”
Change him?! This is so deep.
Can you imagine that the man you love and are going to spend your life with has never been dedicated to you? NEVER!?! Not a slip up, because sometimes a slip up occurs. But a regular intimate relationship with another woman?
Then Chicago. How dumb is she going to feel? When he stops effing her? Or if he continues to eff her during his marriage, to know she was never good enough to be serious with?
But mainly lets discuss this dude Reggie?! How completely and utterly selfish of him?! To be so unfaithful and only think of himself. How can he really think this is going to work? Something is not satisfied in him, if he feels the need to continue to eff Chicago. Why not just wait it out? Why the rush?! Sow them oats! Put a hold on commitment.
But I ask you all out there, is it possible for Reggie to really change and become faithful just because he jumped the broom?
….aint got SHIT on a woman scorned! Recently I have been speaking with quite a few guys who blame their infidelity, lack of trust, and intolerance for relationships on ONE thing. A woman who hurt them. Maybe it was 6 months ago or maybe five years ago. However, these men are carrying some BAGGAGE! Here are some quotes from these men I speak of:
“Man, women aint shit. They always talking about how dirty us men are but they just as wild if not wilder than us!”
“It just takes me a while to open up because I been hurt before and that shit was not cool.”
“That dirty bitch slept with my bestfriend! I know she aint her but man who knows what THIS woman is capable of?!”
“Women are cheaters just like men they just more clever with they shit! TRUST ME I know!”
“You can’t really love any of these women out here. They get comfortable and act up. You can’t trust these broads man! Who knows if I will ever settle down.”
Now women are often looked at as bitter bag ladies when we have these sentiments but I have a feeling that many men really hold onto these feelings for much longer than the ladies do. Even though we may say we don’t trust men we are liable to trust a partner quicker after heartbreak than men are, I believe. I think this is for a number of reasons:
1) It takes a LOT more for a man to open up emotionally to a woman. So if they are hurt or betrayed once they do decide to open up……ALL US BITCHES ARE EVIL! Like seriously c’mon fellas. Being hurt one time or another is apart of love. Some of these men need to take their own advice and stop blaming every woman for the faults of ONE bad one. But I do understand once a man is emotionally exposed weakness comes into play and we know men aren’t trying to appear weak. So take advantage of their weakness and you got some big time problems.
2) Pride Plain and simple. Men are some prideful creatures. They don’t like being wrong, taken advantage of, or manipulated into thinking someone is sincere when in fact they are not. But does anyone really like feeling like that? Uhhhh NO! One guy I spoke with simply said, “Yall women are sneaky! I will never trust another woman completely again.” Like dude get serious. Put ya damn pride aside and examine yourself cuz you sound real foolish right now! I mean I have trust issues too but I can’t say based on any of my bad apples that I will never fully trust another man. That just sounds like it will lead you to an unhappy, insecure, lonely life. I mean am I trippin?
3) Could it be that once true feelings are involved that maybe men are more emotional than women? I mean it is just a thought. Every person is different so who is to say who is more emotional from relationship to relationship. However, quite a few of the men that inspired this blog just sound like they were wining without the squeekiness in their voice. Like why are your feelings more hurt or why is your heartbreak any more intense than anyone else’s that has been through it?
Now I know all men are not this extreme when they are hurt. However, every man, and woman for that matter, shows a little unknown fury when they are scorned. It is just becoming more apparent to me how REAL and lasting a man’s fury can be when they are betrayed. But I ask all the guys that feel this way, whether it is mild or extreme, to not make every woman pay for one’s mistakes. I mean c’mon yall hate when we do it.
Just my thoughts…..
Damn Damn Damn.
Don’t we all hate that 80/20 rule!
The Rule: In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. There are times when we will find someone who fills in the wholes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. But be careful taking risks of cheating, or leaving your 80%…because what you will be left with, is that 20%. Obviously this is no where near as fulfilling as being with someone who offers 80%.
Tell me your 80/20 Story!
“I have cheated I look back on the situation and regret it. My ex-bf to this day does not even know about it.. At least I think. But the bottom-line is that as the cheater you never end up happy. You either hurt someone, yourself, or both.
I saw someone I became interested in approx 1 week after I entered a relationship. Gorgeous, smart fun, and humorous. I could not resist and I flirted with him and he flirted back. We had the best conversations, and I would even leave the time I was spending with my BF, to have a conversations with Mister. Mister was not local, which allowed me to pay enough attention to my BF who was near me. Mister was fully aware of my situation and never tried to come at me out of respect for the situation. We grew very close as we kept talking. Even though we were talking, I allowed my self to gain feelings for him. We did not physically touch, but honestly every time we connected just on the phone, he was brain fucking me. Little did I know then, how fucked I would end up.
I don’t know why I did not just break up with my BF at that time. But now I realize I was just being selfish. I wanted the stimulation I was getting from Mister and I wanted the convenience of having a BF near.
Anyways when Mister and I finally met in person, After months of mental and social stimulation, we could not even resist each other …we or I physically cheated. And while I was with Mister I was not even thinking about my BF. All I wanted was Mister to continue to make me feel they way he was making me feel…which was so…so …RIGHT.
I finally came to the conclusion that I cannot do this to my BF anymore. I felt like I wanted to be with Mister. I tried to break up with my BF without telling him I cheated on him. I came up with some poor excuse. He was not having it. He made me see why I wanted to be with him, and made me believe that I had not even been trying. So we reconciled and I decided to try. After all I still had feelings for him, my BF.
So I told Mister I was not breaking up with my BF. Needless to say he was not happy. He was not pleased, but he let me make my decision. Mister and I tried to wean our once romantically involved situation into a friendship…it was never the same. Honestly, I liked Mister a lot. I always saw myself with Mister in the long run. So perhaps I was being selfish thinking Mister would always be there.
Eventually my relationship with the BF crumbled. It only made sense to go back with Mister, right?Once again me thinking selfishly. So I try to get back with him. DOESN’T WORK!!!. Our relationship diminished. he could not trust me, and I did not go for him when he wanted to be with me. I did not make that sacrifice he needed me to make when he asked me to. I was devastated. All I could think about is the potential we had to make a great relationship.
So what do I do? I stand by trying to prove to Mister that I could be his girl. I try to hard. I keep talking to Mister, pouring my heart out to him on every occasion. For some reason I could not understand why he did not want to be with me, when I wanted to be with him sooo bad. Then one day, Mister and I just completely feel off. I got tired of not getting anywhere and Mister probably got tired of hearing my spill.
So cheating? Yes I’ve done it. But there was a lesson in there that I needed to learn. I truly believe that honesty is the best policy in relationships. Those who feel they need to lie are lacking a confidence and appreciation of others feelings. Who wants to be with someone like that?? If I had just been honest with my self, I would not have let myself be in a relationship with someone so long that was not satisfying me. If I had enough confidence in myself, I would have broke up not needing to get with Mister or anyone else. And now as I look back at the situation, which was yearsssssssss ago, I still miss Mister and the friendship we had. Until this day I can honestly say, I have not connected with a male individual the way I connected with Mister.
Do not cheat there is no need to, you think by having all those people in your life that you are not missing something…but in the end you still end up missing something…”
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