Posts Tagged ‘Complaining Black Women’
PLAYED: A Weekly Series on HEARTBREAK. February is suppose to be the month for love and shyt. But you can’t have love with out some life lessons. So just to break up the monotony of cupids, chocolates, sex, misery, etc. Us Bups bring you a series on getting “played”. Perhaps our stories will drive you to your true love.
I am not a relationship guru. I leave that up to Dr. J. I just share my experiences and what I learn from them to keep it moving, ya know?
A while ago, I got my HEART BROKEN. Yep. OOH I GOT PLAAAYED! SMH. I like to laugh even at myself, and I can now. I am super over it. I am glad that GOD gives me the best bounce back bone ever. I mean fa real, I do not wallow in sorrow.
So this dude, who was 14 years older than me, emotionally drained me. I somehow ended up being a rebound when I didn’t sign up for it. He fell short in a lot of areas particularly money, ex-wife relationship, and true personality. Nonetheless, I somehow ended up enthralled with him.
Thankfully, I have awesome people around me. I have a male homie, who has the best emotional intelligence ever. In telling him about my heart break, he said something so powerful, truly the turning point in me getting over the OLD DIRTY BASTARD. He said “Me and you, we are power sources. People who don’t have power and control are drawn to us. And they have the ability to drain that energy from us.”
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, we get hurt and we like to finger point. While “ODB” is one of the most disturbed people (mentally, in life, etc) I know, I cannot play victim. I agreed to be a party in this situation. I chose to engage with him.
Here are some of the lessons I walked away with in this situation.
- Lesson 1 Do you like him OR do you like the idea of him? I look back, and it was totally the idea of him. The prestige, the things he was involved in. BUT all of those things where not him. He was corny, tried too hard, had big emotional issues, and a complainer. He used to BITCH and wallow. Those attributes are so not me. In fact, one of the biggest turn offs. It was the IDEA of him and not the person in front of me.
- Lesson 2 Never take yourself off the Market! NEVER until you and your partner have the “we agree to be monogamous and here is what monogamous means to us” TALK. Male buppies, you got this. You can skip this part. You all know how to date. Female bups, some of us including me need to get better with this. So often we get wrapped up in talking to one dude, and giving him our all or too much of ourselves when that is not the defined relationship. “ODB” asked me to be his Girl Friend one night. We didn’t walk away with an agreement on that, but for some reason although I said it wasnt the right time, I started playing the role. He ain’t refuse it either. Then boom he hits me one day with the, “I just want to be single and date” move. Anyway, KEEP you a bench. (blog coming soon)
- Lesson 3 Chemistry, if it aint right…IT AINT RIGHT He was OLDER and physically I was NOT initially attracted to him. Even now I reflect, and I shake my head at myself. This is something that must of been apparent because one day, towards the end of the “relationship” ODB shared a comment. “We don’t have physical chemistry”. And he was right. He just aint do it for me.
Overall he did drain me, and tried to even more after the fact by calling me his “friend”. But I had to cut it off. I had to move forward and I had to get back to creating my own power and energy. There was no need to carry baggage or regret from this heart break. ODB was harboring so much from his past, that it crippled him. Now I am way better off! I am way more congizant of myself and vigilant of the energy drainers. I took the experience for what is was and I left it in past.
I
woke up this morning (after a Saturday of pure laziness, minus actually getting my hair detangled and mixing up hopefully the perfect leave-in conditioner) to cold. Bitter cold. My thermometer says some 63 F, but that’s BS. I still haven’t received the official ok from my landlords to utilize the heat. Something bout it has to be checked each winter, for safety or some shit. I’m not trying to hear that. I’ve got on two pairs of socks, two shirts, and the warmest pajama pants I can find, and it is cold all up and through here. I thought hot air rises, but that doesn’t seem to be the case in this second floor apartment. If the laws of physics are true and that is not the case, I’d hate to be in the basement.
Yes, if you live north of I-20, this is the time of year for temperature shock. What is temperature shock, you say?
temperature shock (TEM’-per-uh’-cher shok)’: 1. waking up on a fall morning and experience the first hint of winter cold for the first time; 2. hell; 3. feels kind of like Bronson Pinchot’s crazy ass being chased down by The Langoliers combined with how McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) feels as he is choking Nurse Ratched.
I woke up this morning, and my ass was in temperature shock!
The typical reaction to temperature shock? I give you the Florida Evans expletive exclamation:
Don’t front. You know you do it, too.
Soon your only comfort will be tights, the seat warmers in your car, and some Matrix-esque winter coat.
Consider yourself forewarned.
This week was tragic for me maaan.
TRAGIC.
To get to the point, since it is now Friday, I had a VICIOUS ALLERGIC REACTION. I have no clue what the hell I am allergic to.
Anyway, in the hustle and bustle of things, it came time to utilize my health insurance.
AWW YES!! You know, that thingy our corporate jobs provide us. (Actually they deduct an amount each pay period and give us some credits towards it, but rarely pay for the entire thing.) That thing which many single bups do not pay too much attention to…. until Shyt happens.
Well shyt happened. And I the DCBuppie had to make some life decisions in the midst of my situation.
It made me realize how trained I am to reduce cost in the case shyt happens. This is probably something I learned from my parents, whose first step in all “shyt happens” scenarios was to rub some tussin in it and tell me to go take a shyt.
I digress. Back to the story.
First, I had symptoms and I ignored it. Sunday one eye was clearly swollen. But I just blamed it on the lack of sleep, or a cosmetic malfunction. Of course I am walking ’round looking like
But I had shyt to do. I thought I could solve this by poppin my good ole Benadryl.
So that is what I did.
Only to wake up Monday morning, in full panic mode, when both my eyes are swollen, and the only way I could now see is if my head was fully erect and my eyeballs peered over my lower lid.
I looked completely unrecognizable. COMPLETELY.
Holding my blackberry over my head, I called my Sister, a RN. Aw yes. Free medical advice.
She said: “Yea, you should call an ambulance and go to the emergency room.”
and you know what popped in my head ?? $$$$$
Aint that about a bitch? Isn’t this ironic?
You see , I being a mid 20 bup, opted for the cheapest coverage, to maximize my DOLLARS in my pocket. I mean given my youthfulness this made sense. And in doing so, I can remember that an ambulance would incur some heavy montary damage.
So I stagger around my condo, head up of course to find my laptop.
Google my health provider….. Sign IN……Check “IN NETWORK”. (Cus if it aint IN NETWORK, then I got to come out all my pockets.) SEARCH URGENT CARE , cus I figured it would cost less.
I found one within the city. Hopped in my whip, some how managed to park and walk into urgent care.
I walk in, and am asked, “How can we help you.?”
WTF face. I know this BITCH sees my face.
SO while, I want to say: “BITCH my face blew up. Can you hurry the fcuk up!?”
I say , I need help. I am having an allergic reaction.
“Can I have your insurance card.”
WTF FACE x2
She goes into her systems verifies my coverage, all before saying yes she can help me.
Once this is all cleared, she handed me 300 sheets of the same fucking form asking me the same questions. Name,DOB, Aliments, etc. Luckily within 10 minutes I see a Doctor. AND in 20 minutes I was given a steroid shot and 2 prescriptions.
As I laid on the bed waiting my prescriptions, I couldn’t help but think:
WHY da fuck am I putting myself through this ?! I mean really now??
When shyt goes down, don’t we pay for smooth shyt?
I could not help but wonder, If I inconvenienced myself with this “cheaper” insurance OR if the entire insurance scheme impounded my situation?
Anyway, my face is getting back to normal. Ah just in time for 2011 Benefits selection!
This time I am going to opt for one with ambulance included. No need yall, I am SHAKING MY DAMN HEAD at my damn self!
This Tuesday evening, I was exceptionally exhausted.
5:45 pm..
I needed to get the eff out of this place. I am at the client site today, and they have worked my nerves. My thoughts zoom to cooking a good meal and vegging out in front of the TV catching up on Entourage.
I walked hastily to the metro. Yes!! Train arrives just as I hit the platform. I cop a seat, Four square check in, and release a deep breath. Just as I close my eyes to reach the pinnacle of my calm work day release, my blackberry vibrates. Clearly a BBM PING.
I look down at my phone and the person disrupting my afterwork rituals is no other than… Dr. J.
What the fuck does this N!gga want?!
Dr. J and I have a very eh… Love hate relationship. Who knows if he is going to cuss me out, or send me a bbm Love Struck face. BTW, he only employs kindness when he is going to ask me, or better yet TELL me what I am going to do.
ME: wassup
Dr. J: Hey, I am not going to make this event, the book signing, can you go?
Me: BBM ? face, what are you talking about?
Dr. J: You know, the Helena Andrews book signing?
Me: Whaaat? I have no idea who you are talking about.
Dr. J: The woman who wrote “Bitch is the New black” I need you to cover this.
Bitch is the New Black??
Why is Dr.J sending me on Anti Black Women missions? I have no interest! I don’t want to go! I had my fill of black women hate, and black relationships fail because of black women BS. Black women have attitudes. ANYTHING related to this was working my mothereffin nerve. It is all fucking propaganda, and I wanted no parts in this.
Me: uh, I never heard of this. What you want notes? When is this?
Dr. J: uh duh yea! I think you should blog this! It starts 6:30 Barnes Nobles Downtown..
Wow. In 10 minutes it would be 6:30 and in 5 minutes, I would be at the very train stop to make the event.
Me: Argh ok. (I guess today I decided to not be a BITCH.)
Then, I tweeted : Dr.J sent me on a dummie mission.
I get off the train and walk the one block to Barnes and Nobles. I walk upstairs and see chairs set up and book display on a small table. A black and red book.
Immediately, I see a swarm of black women waiting patiently. I am just on time at 6:30pm. All the women are coupled up, and I am flying solo. I asked a woman who was in the midst of reading the book if I could sit. She said yes. I sat, and worried if people here thought I was some typical black woman who spent 90%of her time thinking about why I was single, manless, etc. I clearly, couldn’t give two shyts about it.
I wanted to project an aura of non desperateness, but looked around the room and noted something quite different.
The crowd consisted of about 50 seats. About 3 males, and sprinkles of white folk. One significant trend stood out to me. As I pulled strands of my 18 inch $300 + weave, I could not help to notice that all these women were rocking naturals, locks, twists, curly fros. These women look much more liberated, and maybe a few lesbians noted by the rainbow accessories they rocked. What the fuck is this book about?
6:43 pm
The author walks out. Helena Andrews walks directly in front of the carefully layered book display. Someone does a shot in the dark intro about her.
Immediately, I am struck by Helena’s beauty. #NOHOMO, but this bitch is bad. Tall medium brown milky tone, slim frame, creamy crack tresses in a short bob, and deep rooted dimples that rested on her face even when she would get tight.
She opens up setting the agenda for tonight. She plans to share a few excerpts and go into Q and A. She recognizes the audience, who she admits consists of mostly her friends.
Helena shares a bit of her background. She started off as a political journalist and this book “Bitch is the New Black” acts as her memoirs.
Helena continues talking. I can’t help but notice how causal she is being. She is uber relaxed. Uses slang phrases, rolls her eyes. Dismisses people. She was pretty much speaking like she was one of your girlfriends telling you about her day.
Anyway, she continues to tell us how the book was originally suppose to be called “Dirty Astronaut Diapers”. An ode to Lisa Nowak. I did not get it. Well I did, but wasn’t all that funny. *kanye shrug*
Anyway, she reveals more about her memoir’s and she touches on her lesbian mom, and dating life in the District.
Her first excerpt…something about CBC in Sept 2008
She reads …well she reads and its almost like a forced dry soap opera. Very ..Cursory. Nonetheless, she shares a story about her and her homegirl on the hunt for men at CBC. “Political Husband, Professional Wife, Perfect Children.”
The story is VERY familiar. Most urban women have all done this. Helena shares how she and her friend get stunna stunna to attend these CBC social events, hoping to get “chose”. The hunt fails them. Her and homegirl resolve to looking around the club, marking men gay with their words.
WOW, geeez that is kind of depressing. Is dating really this bad?
Next excerpt..something about her Mom getting her hair undid
It is clear Helena and her mom are ace boon koons. This excerpt shares a funny story of her Lesbian Mom in a Pic with Treach from Naughty By Nature at his Porn Release party.
It was cute. 
Next excerpt something about Walk Like a Woman
Andrews to my chagrin, lives or lived few blocks from me. She shares how she does not know how drive and walked everywhere in DC. One day, she overheated in a pizza shop and faints.
WTF face.
That was the end of the event. There was some Q/A to learn more about the people in her life reactions. Helena admits to the use of Gtalk conversations to drive some of the essays and how this book has exploded into a movie deal!
But.. then there was a critical moment: The book signing.
The entire room shifts but me.
I hesitated : To buy the book and get it signed OR not??
NOT!!
Sure it was witty. Sure she had some unique life experiences. Sure sure sure. But the excerpts and her story just didn’t peak my interest. Yet another *kanye shrug*
I went home.
Aside For some reason, I must have been the only chick in DC not aware of this book or Helena Andrews. It seemed like all my local friends, male and female, knew about “Bitch is the New Black” . I am saying this to say, that I came in there with a blank slate.
What is accurate is that I totally prejudged the book. The title got me. “Aww this going to be some black bitch lonely type shyt.” Quite the contrary. I was super pleased to find out it was the opposite of all that.
Helena book is filled with personal essays about her life growing into woman. Part of that is family, love, dating, career and a movement toward what she has deemed “Modern Feminism”. I am sincerely proud of Helena and what she has accomplished to date. Clearly buppie certified!
Although, I wasn’t thrilled enough to purchase the book, I find that the title may pigeonhole some folks to think it is about one thing. When in fact, Helena aims to share her life story.
Quick message from Me, DCBuppie. Welcome to another edition of Buppie Fridaze! This is Part 1 to this 3-part series of our responses to this ASK THE BUPPIE. Ask us something today!
Dear Buppie,
I have a girlfriend and have been with her for two years. She has been out of work for the last few months, so I let her move in with me. Two months ago, she got job. I’ve been carrying the load of the rent and we had agreed that our next step would be to move in together. I brought this up last week, and she made it seem like she is planning to move to her own spot. I’m cool with that, but she is saving for a deposit, while I foot the bill. Am I wrong for wanting her to contribute? How do I ask?-Rent Free BF
Dr. J’s POVThis is very easy, on the first of the month when rent is due, you say, “Rent is due, will you be writing me a check or transferring the money in my account?” If she says, I’m saving for my deposit, you say, “We need to discuss the past few months’ rent and what we will do going forward.”
You should have never let her get away with staying for free. You should have agreed that she didn’t have to pay rent now, but when she got on her feet she could pay you back for the past months. Once she got back on her feet, if you were in a financial position to afford to forgive the debt, then you would have the option of doing so. Some women will take a handout, men will too. But there’s no reason for a woman to think that just because you were staying alone and already paying the rent, she can move in with you and not pay half of the rent, or at least a significant portion.
Here’s where your girlfriend went “balls to the wall” and disrespected you; when she thought it was cool to stay in a place for free while saving for her own place. Unless you are her parents, you should have blown the whistle and thrown a flag. I’m sorry bro-man, but you just got hit with the age old classic, “Your money is our money, my money is my money.” You can’t allow that unless you got it like that, which it’s obvious that you don’t because you brought it up. And even if you’re just mad at the way she’s going about it, that’s a serious sign in your relationship.
Be prepared for this discussion though… “After living with you for a few months, I’ve realized that we aren’t ready to live together.” Reason being, it makes no sense to move out, if she wants to stay. She may have already made the decision that she doesn’t even want to be with you anymore and is riding it until the wheels fall off. Either way, you’re being used. Hopefully, you’re not the kind of chap who has been asked several times if you were comfortable and you just avoid the conversation, because then you really brought this all on yourself. If that’s the case, write us back. In any case, good luck.
(On the low, if she starts paying you rent, but gets frustrated. Use her rent money to buy yourself lavish gifts like BBCs or the new Gucci loafers for the summer.)
Cheers,
Dr. J
Follow Dr. J on Twitter @drjayjack
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