PLAYED: A Weekly Series on HEARTBREAK. February is suppose to be the month for love and shyt. But you can’t have love with out some life lessons. So just to break up the monotony of cupids, chocolates, sex, misery, etc. Us Bups bring you a series on getting “played”. Perhaps our stories will drive you to your true love.

I am not a relationship guru. I leave that up to Dr. J. I just share my experiences and what I learn from them to keep it moving, ya know?

A while ago, I got my HEART BROKEN. Yep. OOH I GOT PLAAAYED! SMH. I like to laugh even at myself, and I can now. I am super over it. I am glad that GOD gives me the best bounce back bone ever. I mean fa real, I do not wallow in sorrow.

So this dude, who was 14 years older than me, emotionally drained me. I somehow ended up being a rebound when I didn’t sign up for it. He fell short in a lot of areas particularly money, ex-wife relationship, and true personality. Nonetheless, I somehow ended up enthralled with him.

Thankfully, I have awesome people around me. I have a male homie, who has the best emotional intelligence ever. In telling him about my heart break, he said something so powerful, truly the turning point in me getting over the OLD DIRTY BASTARD. He said “Me and you, we are power sources. People who don’t have power and control are drawn to us. And they have the ability to drain that energy from us.”

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, we get hurt and we like to finger point. While “ODB” is one of the most disturbed people (mentally, in life, etc) I know, I cannot play victim. I agreed to be a party in this situation. I chose to engage with him.

Here are some of the lessons I walked away with in this situation.

• Lesson 1 Do you like him OR do you like the idea of him? I look back, and it was totally the idea of him. The prestige, the things he was involved in. BUT all of those things where not him. He was corny, tried too hard, had big emotional issues, and a complainer. He used to BITCH and wallow. Those attributes are so not me. In fact, one of the biggest turn offs. It was the IDEA of him and not the person in front of me.

• Lesson 2 Never take yourself off the Market! NEVER until you and your partner have the “we agree to be monogamous and here is what monogamous means to us” TALK. Male buppies, you got this. You can skip this part. You all know how to date. Female bups, some of us including me need to get better with this. So often we get wrapped up in talking to one dude, and giving him our all or too much of ourselves when that is not the defined relationship. “ODB” asked me to be his Girl Friend one night. We didn’t walk away with an agreement on that, but for some reason although I said it wasnt the right time, I started playing the role. He ain’t refuse it either. Then boom he hits me one day with the, “I just want to be single and date” move.  Anyway, KEEP you a bench. (blog coming soon)

• Lesson 3 Chemistry, if it aint right…IT AINT RIGHT He was OLDER and physically I was NOT initially attracted to him. Even now I reflect, and I shake my head at myself. This is something that must of been apparent because one day, towards the end of the “relationship” ODB shared a comment. “We don’t have physical chemistry”. And he was right. He just aint do it for me.

Overall he did drain me, and tried to even more after the fact by calling me his “friend”. But I had to cut it off. I had to move forward and I had to get back to creating my own power and energy. There was no need to carry baggage or regret from this heart break. ODB was harboring so much from his past, that it crippled him. Now I am way better off! I am way more congizant of myself and vigilant of the energy drainers. I took the experience for what is was and I left it in past.