Posts Tagged ‘dating someone who makes more than you’
Welcome to another edition of Buppie Fridaze! This is Final part 3 part series to Rent Free BF our responses to this ASK THE BUPPIE. Spread the word.
Dear Buppie,
I have a girlfriend and have been with her for two years. She has been out of work for the last few months, so I let her move in with me. Two months ago, she got job. I’ve been carrying the load of the rent and we had agreed that our next step would be to move in together. I brought this up last week, and she made it seem like she is planning to move to her own spot. I’m cool with that, but she is saving for a deposit, while I foot the bill. Am I wrong for wanting her to contribute? How do I ask?-Rent Free BF
In relationships we may have useless arguments but this one is worth having.Your predicament makes me think, Can we truly be with someone, LOVE or deeply Like them and they be completely and utterly broke?
Most Men will say yes. Women will do their best to utter a yes, but will begin to twitch uncontrollably.
But I am going to keep it real and say No. HAYLE NO. Love her a$$ like you do, this is a serious barrier to moving forward in a partnership. Come the first of the month, Imma need you to tell her to put something on this RENT! Tell her to pay the EFF up.
Times can get tough. I am glad you were a MAN about your shyt, and held her down. But she failed to be a Woman about hers and do the same. Now what? The relationship has reached a point where it is no longer balanced. Someone feels took. Someone got GOT.
Here is my Sincerity Test. Cus Rent or no Rent, we got to see if this girl just made a mistake OR is truly gaming your ass. DO exactly as I instruct.
First, take her to the mall. Consistently, point out shyt you like but can’t get due to the Rent. Now, if she gets it for you within the pay period, the good news buddy …is she genuinely cares.
When she gives you what you want from the mall, tell her how much you appreciate her consideration. And in this loving convo, change the subject to moving in together.Tell her the truth about how your time together has shown you guys could do it, and it would be economical for both. Which is true.
Here is were she got to woMAN up. Tell the truth. Keep it 100 with you.
Her response will tell you why she does not want to move in. She may say, I just got this job and I need space. Cool. You put on your confused face, Look a little heart broken. But say the typical
“I understand. Over these few months when you did not have a job, I put forth a lot thinking and I wanted to make sure you got to a place that was comfortable. For example taking care of the rent.You mentioned you saved for a deposit. I am a little under, so once you get comfortable in your new place, do you think you could help me recover for my deposit/rent/savings?”
If she act any type of crazy about this….She…not what we thought. All we are asking is for her to return the favor. Be there like you were for her. We have removed all obstacles as well. No real reason for her to say no. (Other than selfish)
Option B:
She won’t pay up. She don’t even blink at your struggles in the mall.
Look in the mirror? Is this the woman you want to be with?
Then, See Dr. J’s or Upcoming’s direct methods. …
Quick message from Me, DCBuppie. Welcome to another edition of Buppie Fridaze! This is Part 1 to this 3-part series of our responses to this ASK THE BUPPIE. Ask us something today!
Dear Buppie,
I have a girlfriend and have been with her for two years. She has been out of work for the last few months, so I let her move in with me. Two months ago, she got job. I’ve been carrying the load of the rent and we had agreed that our next step would be to move in together. I brought this up last week, and she made it seem like she is planning to move to her own spot. I’m cool with that, but she is saving for a deposit, while I foot the bill. Am I wrong for wanting her to contribute? How do I ask?-Rent Free BF
Dr. J’s POVThis is very easy, on the first of the month when rent is due, you say, “Rent is due, will you be writing me a check or transferring the money in my account?” If she says, I’m saving for my deposit, you say, “We need to discuss the past few months’ rent and what we will do going forward.”
You should have never let her get away with staying for free. You should have agreed that she didn’t have to pay rent now, but when she got on her feet she could pay you back for the past months. Once she got back on her feet, if you were in a financial position to afford to forgive the debt, then you would have the option of doing so. Some women will take a handout, men will too. But there’s no reason for a woman to think that just because you were staying alone and already paying the rent, she can move in with you and not pay half of the rent, or at least a significant portion.
Here’s where your girlfriend went “balls to the wall” and disrespected you; when she thought it was cool to stay in a place for free while saving for her own place. Unless you are her parents, you should have blown the whistle and thrown a flag. I’m sorry bro-man, but you just got hit with the age old classic, “Your money is our money, my money is my money.” You can’t allow that unless you got it like that, which it’s obvious that you don’t because you brought it up. And even if you’re just mad at the way she’s going about it, that’s a serious sign in your relationship.
Be prepared for this discussion though… “After living with you for a few months, I’ve realized that we aren’t ready to live together.” Reason being, it makes no sense to move out, if she wants to stay. She may have already made the decision that she doesn’t even want to be with you anymore and is riding it until the wheels fall off. Either way, you’re being used. Hopefully, you’re not the kind of chap who has been asked several times if you were comfortable and you just avoid the conversation, because then you really brought this all on yourself. If that’s the case, write us back. In any case, good luck.
(On the low, if she starts paying you rent, but gets frustrated. Use her rent money to buy yourself lavish gifts like BBCs or the new Gucci loafers for the summer.)
Cheers,
Dr. J
Follow Dr. J on Twitter @drjayjack
"Can I borrow $5 dollars?"
Today’s hot topics include dating women who make more than you. Heck in today’s recession a lot of women have been in work, while their spouses have been out of work. I think that for Black men, they can go head claiming that they are not cool with this. It’s just not feasible and history doesn’t support that fact. I think looking at all men it may be a bigger problem than it needs to be.
Personally, I do not mind dating a woman who makes more than me. (Yes, Dr. J does not mind dating a woman who makes more than him.) I have in the past dated women who made more than me and I think as long as you’re dating a mature individual you will be okay. I rent, but I’ve dated a homeowner before, that’s cool. In my humble opinion you should probably try and date out of your league if you can. I mean, why would you hang out with turkeys when you can fly with eagles?
I think relationships shouldn’t rely on money. I dated a girl who made more than me and yes she picked up dinner more times than me. I recall one time we went to dinner and I went to pick up the bill and she said, “Jason be serious, that just doesn’t make sense.” She didn’t throw it in my face, but she let me know, I am doing well for myself, it’s just downright ignorant for me to have you dropping your card on the table and trying to budget this dinner, when to me, it’s nothing. On the same token, we actually never discussed money, rather career decisions and where would like to go in our career.
Lest I get too far along, I think it should be said that some women know how to deal with this and others don’t. I think the hesitation with dating a woman who makes more than you is that in the heat of battle no man wants to be told that his woman makes more than him. I tried to think if I would ever say that to a woman and I don’t think I would, but I’ve heard several women say that to their men or about their men to their friends, as if it was cool. Those women are the reason why men won’t date a woman who makes more than them.
However, I’m willing to date a woman who makes more than me, and I’m wondering if the buppies feel the same way. To the men, do you mind? If you do, what causes your hesitation? To the women, what have been some of your experiences with dating a guy who made less than you? Welcome to the new site. I really like the new look and feel I hope you guys do too. And I hope to speak to you guys here more often now.
At last the bougie side overcomes… bare with me.
Being constantly broke is NOT BUPPIE!
I can’t stand broke people. Correction I can’t stand broke people who try to hang like they can afford it. Let me further clarify. I am talking about those people who have good paying jobs. However, these people just BLOW their money. Stop living your life like a damn RAP VIDEO!
Wake the EFF up you idiot! You always got money OR You always broke at the wrong times.
We want to go to the club. “I don’t have any gas money.”
DC Bup thinks: “BITCH YOU DRIVING A MOTHEFFIN BMW. AIN’T NOBODY TELL YOU TO GET A CAR THAT TAKES 93 EFFING GRADE GAS. SHOULD HAVE GOT YOUR BROKE A$$ A MOTHEREFFIN SOLARA.”
Then when we get to the sophisticated establishment, your broke a$$ face is all tight. Why? Because you can’t get any drinks. Then, you got to shyt on everyone else’s night with that “I am ready go all early” BS. #childplease
Those broke folk can really put a damper on the moves you are trying to make. Honestly, buppies all have moments of when we are broke (I call it budget control), but guess what? I have a wii, a dvd player, and a 14.99 Netflix account. I know how to stay my a$$ at home. DO YOU?!
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