Posts Tagged ‘love’
Valentine’s Day is over tommorrow. You are either disappointed or on Cloud 9 or Broke.
So …why not go to an buppie approved Happy Hour. + The hostess is Gorgeous!
AfterGlow @ Funxion (1309 F Street, NW)
Tuesday, Feb 15, 2011
6PM to 9PM
No Cover
Bring a lover…Bring a friend…Or come stag…
Recently a good friend and I were having a discussion about his relationship and I realized that he was GROWING UP and really in love with his lady. I immediately asked him to write a blog about the transformation that I’ve noticed he has made. Here are his thoughts….
As I work to maintain my monogamous relationship, I realize that it is a bit like being castrated, by choice of course. I say that because there is this underlying feeling that ones manhood (in terms of being single) is no longer defined by the number of chicks he can brag about banging, or how the “hit and quit it” mentality is no longer something to boast about. Rather the focus shifts to keeping the castrator happy (aka the girlfriend). As any man that’s in a relationship has learned by now, if your woman isn’t happy, neither are you!
During our first disagreement is when I first felt this nutty feeling. Even though she was undoubtedly wrong, as I stood fast to my position, I started to feel bad that her feelings were hurt. This has NEVER happened to me before, me feel bad, even if I’m right…imagine that! However, in that moment is when I first realized, oh sh*t, I think I’m in love!
You see, it is often during a disagreement that it becomes abundantly clear just how much you love your woman. If you’re mad as all get out, but your mind cannot help but think about how she may be feeling, it just may be love, OUCH! I often find myself forgiving more easily and wanting to soothe, rather than be right. This was the first sign that I was growing, not only as a man, but a man who wants to be faithful *BLANK STARE*. As the relationship continues I realize that being castrated (in love), is definitely a choice. You choose to put up with things you would never have thought you would.
For example, I am one of those guys who believes that it’s mainly a woman’s job to keep house, however my castrator believes the polar opposite. If I wanted something cleaned in my apartment, the single me would have waited for the chic who doesn’t want to do it to leave, and simply called the one with the challenged self esteem right after. I would give a compliment or some _____, and then asked my favor, “Beautiful, would you mind hookin’ up those dishes so I can make you something to eat?” Once the dishes were done, I would have swiftly motioned for us to go past McDonald’s on the way to drop the esteem challenged chicken off at her place.
Now with my castrator, not so much! If I ask her to do the dishes there is a long discussion about what is wrong with my hands, and how she works just as I do, how this is not the 50′s and blah blah blah. So with that conversation ensuing I get upset, but then she smiles, and all of sudden…*BAM* I’m standing there doing the damn dishes!
I will close with this, to love is a choice. It is a challenging choice with unquestionable rewards. Fella’s if you choose to love, do just that, LOVE. Because what you get in return, at first may feel like a slicing off of your manhood, but really it’s the opportunity to be fulfilled and happy and just maybe you will come home to your woman doing the dishes!
- A Reformed Womanizer
I have reached my limit. The other day an UGLY ASHY NEGRO acted like I should kiss his butt, as he tried to talk to me. I stood there entertaining his conversation, in 4 inch heels while he sat all cozy at the bar. He was nestled in and clearly had no intention of moving. After 10 minutes and a drink offer, this was a blatant sign of disrespect. I kept it funky and asked why he didn’t give up his seat and he says “Chivalry is DEAD.”
WHAT!!
I was Appalled!
I am open to all opinions, but embracing “Chivalry is DEAD” ???? NOPE! I CAN’T DO IT.
Yes, gender lines have blurred. Women now have the opportunity to embrace things usually attributed to males, and males are embracing things usually attributed to women. We are now way beyond becoming “equals”, we are now moving towards being the “same”.
Nonetheless, this Chivalry is DEAD movement needs to stop. PERIOD. Integrity, respect for women, protection, loyalty, and manners are all things Mandatory in Manhood. Taking this stance behind Chivalry is DEAD is forgetting all about what value a man possesses. Men, have you all forgotten the power of your SEX? (SEX as in gender, not pipe. Some of yall deserve malpractice suits.) Men are suppose to be head of households, guiders, protectors. It can’t work if we both doing the same shyt.
Men are built totally different than women for a reason. Men are made to be stronger. Don’t yall think it is amazing how I can OUT weigh a MAN by 20-30 lbs, be a few inches taller; YET with one hand, a MAN can grab me and exert enough pressure to defeat me!
Men, if you won’t perform basic chilvarlous acts, how can any woman trust you to lead? This is why so many women are controlling. Some MEN are failing at basic MEN things. The more you remain chivalrous, the more you will be viewed and respected as a MAN and you will attract a WOMAN who understands PARTNERSHIP.
So you MEN, think nice and hard about the next time you see a woman struggle with her grocery’s OR not get up and offer her your seat OR not open the door. If Chivalry is DEAD, you are saying “Hey Women, I can do absolutely NOTHING for you.” You are defeating your own purpose. You are signaling it is OK to be on our level. And if you dont believe in reviving Chivarly, well guess what?? Welcome to my world, cus you are a BITCH just like me.
Quick message from Me, DCBuppie. Welcome to another edition of Buppie Fridaze! This is Part 1 to this 3-part series of our responses to this ASK THE BUPPIE. Ask us something today!
Dear Buppie,
I have a girlfriend and have been with her for two years. She has been out of work for the last few months, so I let her move in with me. Two months ago, she got job. I’ve been carrying the load of the rent and we had agreed that our next step would be to move in together. I brought this up last week, and she made it seem like she is planning to move to her own spot. I’m cool with that, but she is saving for a deposit, while I foot the bill. Am I wrong for wanting her to contribute? How do I ask?-Rent Free BF
Dr. J’s POVThis is very easy, on the first of the month when rent is due, you say, “Rent is due, will you be writing me a check or transferring the money in my account?” If she says, I’m saving for my deposit, you say, “We need to discuss the past few months’ rent and what we will do going forward.”
You should have never let her get away with staying for free. You should have agreed that she didn’t have to pay rent now, but when she got on her feet she could pay you back for the past months. Once she got back on her feet, if you were in a financial position to afford to forgive the debt, then you would have the option of doing so. Some women will take a handout, men will too. But there’s no reason for a woman to think that just because you were staying alone and already paying the rent, she can move in with you and not pay half of the rent, or at least a significant portion.
Here’s where your girlfriend went “balls to the wall” and disrespected you; when she thought it was cool to stay in a place for free while saving for her own place. Unless you are her parents, you should have blown the whistle and thrown a flag. I’m sorry bro-man, but you just got hit with the age old classic, “Your money is our money, my money is my money.” You can’t allow that unless you got it like that, which it’s obvious that you don’t because you brought it up. And even if you’re just mad at the way she’s going about it, that’s a serious sign in your relationship.
Be prepared for this discussion though… “After living with you for a few months, I’ve realized that we aren’t ready to live together.” Reason being, it makes no sense to move out, if she wants to stay. She may have already made the decision that she doesn’t even want to be with you anymore and is riding it until the wheels fall off. Either way, you’re being used. Hopefully, you’re not the kind of chap who has been asked several times if you were comfortable and you just avoid the conversation, because then you really brought this all on yourself. If that’s the case, write us back. In any case, good luck.
(On the low, if she starts paying you rent, but gets frustrated. Use her rent money to buy yourself lavish gifts like BBCs or the new Gucci loafers for the summer.)
Cheers,
Dr. J
Follow Dr. J on Twitter @drjayjack
Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women is one of my fav blogs. I read this blog, and while the originations are from the POV of an African woman, (I am African by the way, keep the booty scratcher comments to a minimum please), I feel it is very relevant to buppie women. Would you date below your class?
Dating Below Your Class
My new favourite blog is ‘Mind of Malaka’ and its not because its written by my BFFFL (Best Friend for Freakin Life) and co-blogger for Adventures. Mind of Malaka is my new fav blog because the writing is excellent, the author’s frankness/humour shines through and the issues she chooses to deal with are the realities she encounters.
Her latest post dealt with an issue that comes up from time to time where women and relationships are concerned – ‘dating below your class’. Now what does that mean? Dating below your class simply means dating a man who is not your equal – not your equal in terms of social status, not your equal in terms of educational/work achievements, not your equal in regards to anything…I always felt that it was only Ghanaian women (does this apply to women from other African countries?) living abroad who ended up dating below their class. Why? For the same tired old reasons – the black men abroad choose to date white women, mixed race women and any other woman rather than the women who originate from their own countries. In a way I don’t blame the men – suddenly the average African man travels to the west (when I say abroad I tend to mean the west) and he’s exoticised/eroticised as a handsome black hunk with above average sized male appendages…
Now let me not loose my train of thought. What is the issue with dating below your class? This issue came up time and time again on Home Affairs, Joy 99.7 (a Ghanaian radio show/station) that the author Boakyewaa Glover and I were recently invited on to share our perspectives on why so many accomplished women are single – I guess we were both the poster ‘women’ for single accomplished women.
Now I wish I could put my hand on my heart and say class doesn’t matter. I wish I could put my hand on my heart and say I could meet a guy from Bukom tomorrow who is a carpenter with no education past JSS and as long as I loved him nothing anyone says matters. My truth though is that is does matter. It does matter whether the man I’m attracted to is capable of eating in a restaurant without embarrassing me (note: he does not need to know how to use all the umpteen cutlery but he does need to know that the warmed towel brought round is not to wipe your face). I don’t mind dating people who are purposely counter-cultural, in fact I am usually attracted to men who choose to shun conventions, who choose to pursue their passions, who choose to grow their hair long but in my local context (Ghana) I find that those with the freedom to make those choices are still from ‘my social class’. We went to the same kind of schools; we have the same sort of friends…some people just choose to break the rules.
One of my biggest concerns with dating outside your class is that it only adds to the issues that men have. Most men have been socialized to have an expectation of superiority to the women they date. In my experience when men date above their social class (in this instance social class also means a woman who earns more/is better educated/has greater social mobility for e.g.) his insecurities are magnified and nothing you the woman does is going to make him feel better. In the long run his insecurities drive you away or he leaves you for a woman who makes him feel secure (one who is in his social class or even below his social class). I feel that for a man dating below your social class is not as big a deal as it is for women. Am I wrong?
What are your general thoughts on social class and dating?
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