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Quick message from Me, DCBuppie. Welcome to another edition of Buppie Fridaze! This is Part 1 to this 3-part series of our responses to this ASK THE BUPPIE. Ask us something today!
Dear Buppie,
I have a girlfriend and have been with her for two years. She has been out of work for the last few months, so I let her move in with me. Two months ago, she got job. I’ve been carrying the load of the rent and we had agreed that our next step would be to move in together. I brought this up last week, and she made it seem like she is planning to move to her own spot. I’m cool with that, but she is saving for a deposit, while I foot the bill. Am I wrong for wanting her to contribute? How do I ask?-Rent Free BF
Dr. J’s POVThis is very easy, on the first of the month when rent is due, you say, “Rent is due, will you be writing me a check or transferring the money in my account?” If she says, I’m saving for my deposit, you say, “We need to discuss the past few months’ rent and what we will do going forward.”
You should have never let her get away with staying for free. You should have agreed that she didn’t have to pay rent now, but when she got on her feet she could pay you back for the past months. Once she got back on her feet, if you were in a financial position to afford to forgive the debt, then you would have the option of doing so. Some women will take a handout, men will too. But there’s no reason for a woman to think that just because you were staying alone and already paying the rent, she can move in with you and not pay half of the rent, or at least a significant portion.
Here’s where your girlfriend went “balls to the wall” and disrespected you; when she thought it was cool to stay in a place for free while saving for her own place. Unless you are her parents, you should have blown the whistle and thrown a flag. I’m sorry bro-man, but you just got hit with the age old classic, “Your money is our money, my money is my money.” You can’t allow that unless you got it like that, which it’s obvious that you don’t because you brought it up. And even if you’re just mad at the way she’s going about it, that’s a serious sign in your relationship.
Be prepared for this discussion though… “After living with you for a few months, I’ve realized that we aren’t ready to live together.” Reason being, it makes no sense to move out, if she wants to stay. She may have already made the decision that she doesn’t even want to be with you anymore and is riding it until the wheels fall off. Either way, you’re being used. Hopefully, you’re not the kind of chap who has been asked several times if you were comfortable and you just avoid the conversation, because then you really brought this all on yourself. If that’s the case, write us back. In any case, good luck.
(On the low, if she starts paying you rent, but gets frustrated. Use her rent money to buy yourself lavish gifts like BBCs or the new Gucci loafers for the summer.)
Cheers,
Dr. J
Follow Dr. J on Twitter @drjayjack
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