Posts Tagged ‘weave’
This Tuesday evening, I was exceptionally exhausted.
5:45 pm..
I needed to get the eff out of this place. I am at the client site today, and they have worked my nerves. My thoughts zoom to cooking a good meal and vegging out in front of the TV catching up on Entourage.
I walked hastily to the metro. Yes!! Train arrives just as I hit the platform. I cop a seat, Four square check in, and release a deep breath. Just as I close my eyes to reach the pinnacle of my calm work day release, my blackberry vibrates. Clearly a BBM PING.
I look down at my phone and the person disrupting my afterwork rituals is no other than… Dr. J.
What the fuck does this N!gga want?!
Dr. J and I have a very eh… Love hate relationship. Who knows if he is going to cuss me out, or send me a bbm Love Struck face. BTW, he only employs kindness when he is going to ask me, or better yet TELL me what I am going to do.
ME: wassup
Dr. J: Hey, I am not going to make this event, the book signing, can you go?
Me: BBM ? face, what are you talking about?
Dr. J: You know, the Helena Andrews book signing?
Me: Whaaat? I have no idea who you are talking about.
Dr. J: The woman who wrote “Bitch is the New black” I need you to cover this.
Bitch is the New Black??
Why is Dr.J sending me on Anti Black Women missions? I have no interest! I don’t want to go! I had my fill of black women hate, and black relationships fail because of black women BS. Black women have attitudes. ANYTHING related to this was working my mothereffin nerve. It is all fucking propaganda, and I wanted no parts in this.
Me: uh, I never heard of this. What you want notes? When is this?
Dr. J: uh duh yea! I think you should blog this! It starts 6:30 Barnes Nobles Downtown..
Wow. In 10 minutes it would be 6:30 and in 5 minutes, I would be at the very train stop to make the event.
Me: Argh ok. (I guess today I decided to not be a BITCH.)
Then, I tweeted : Dr.J sent me on a dummie mission.
I get off the train and walk the one block to Barnes and Nobles. I walk upstairs and see chairs set up and book display on a small table. A black and red book.
Immediately, I see a swarm of black women waiting patiently. I am just on time at 6:30pm. All the women are coupled up, and I am flying solo. I asked a woman who was in the midst of reading the book if I could sit. She said yes. I sat, and worried if people here thought I was some typical black woman who spent 90%of her time thinking about why I was single, manless, etc. I clearly, couldn’t give two shyts about it.
I wanted to project an aura of non desperateness, but looked around the room and noted something quite different.
The crowd consisted of about 50 seats. About 3 males, and sprinkles of white folk. One significant trend stood out to me. As I pulled strands of my 18 inch $300 + weave, I could not help to notice that all these women were rocking naturals, locks, twists, curly fros. These women look much more liberated, and maybe a few lesbians noted by the rainbow accessories they rocked. What the fuck is this book about?
6:43 pm
The author walks out. Helena Andrews walks directly in front of the carefully layered book display. Someone does a shot in the dark intro about her.
Immediately, I am struck by Helena’s beauty. #NOHOMO, but this bitch is bad. Tall medium brown milky tone, slim frame, creamy crack tresses in a short bob, and deep rooted dimples that rested on her face even when she would get tight.
She opens up setting the agenda for tonight. She plans to share a few excerpts and go into Q and A. She recognizes the audience, who she admits consists of mostly her friends.
Helena shares a bit of her background. She started off as a political journalist and this book “Bitch is the New Black” acts as her memoirs.
Helena continues talking. I can’t help but notice how causal she is being. She is uber relaxed. Uses slang phrases, rolls her eyes. Dismisses people. She was pretty much speaking like she was one of your girlfriends telling you about her day.
Anyway, she continues to tell us how the book was originally suppose to be called “Dirty Astronaut Diapers”. An ode to Lisa Nowak. I did not get it. Well I did, but wasn’t all that funny. *kanye shrug*
Anyway, she reveals more about her memoir’s and she touches on her lesbian mom, and dating life in the District.
Her first excerpt…something about CBC in Sept 2008
She reads …well she reads and its almost like a forced dry soap opera. Very ..Cursory. Nonetheless, she shares a story about her and her homegirl on the hunt for men at CBC. “Political Husband, Professional Wife, Perfect Children.”
The story is VERY familiar. Most urban women have all done this. Helena shares how she and her friend get stunna stunna to attend these CBC social events, hoping to get “chose”. The hunt fails them. Her and homegirl resolve to looking around the club, marking men gay with their words.
WOW, geeez that is kind of depressing. Is dating really this bad?
Next excerpt..something about her Mom getting her hair undid
It is clear Helena and her mom are ace boon koons. This excerpt shares a funny story of her Lesbian Mom in a Pic with Treach from Naughty By Nature at his Porn Release party.
It was cute. 
Next excerpt something about Walk Like a Woman
Andrews to my chagrin, lives or lived few blocks from me. She shares how she does not know how drive and walked everywhere in DC. One day, she overheated in a pizza shop and faints.
WTF face.
That was the end of the event. There was some Q/A to learn more about the people in her life reactions. Helena admits to the use of Gtalk conversations to drive some of the essays and how this book has exploded into a movie deal!
But.. then there was a critical moment: The book signing.
The entire room shifts but me.
I hesitated : To buy the book and get it signed OR not??
NOT!!
Sure it was witty. Sure she had some unique life experiences. Sure sure sure. But the excerpts and her story just didn’t peak my interest. Yet another *kanye shrug*
I went home.
Aside For some reason, I must have been the only chick in DC not aware of this book or Helena Andrews. It seemed like all my local friends, male and female, knew about “Bitch is the New Black” . I am saying this to say, that I came in there with a blank slate.
What is accurate is that I totally prejudged the book. The title got me. “Aww this going to be some black bitch lonely type shyt.” Quite the contrary. I was super pleased to find out it was the opposite of all that.
Helena book is filled with personal essays about her life growing into woman. Part of that is family, love, dating, career and a movement toward what she has deemed “Modern Feminism”. I am sincerely proud of Helena and what she has accomplished to date. Clearly buppie certified!
Although, I wasn’t thrilled enough to purchase the book, I find that the title may pigeonhole some folks to think it is about one thing. When in fact, Helena aims to share her life story.
This article first appeared at BitchieLife.NecoleBitchie.com, a place that steals Dr. J from Buppie the Blog every so often.
"I just wanna lay in your hair." - Andre 3000
I have never understood why men were so fascinated with real hair, real nails, real eyes, real breasts and a real butt. To me, presentation is 90%, and if she chooses to use these methods to present herself better, that’s cool with me. I’ve felt fake breasts before, they don’t feel like natural breasts, but they feel great. When I see a girl walking down the street and I think, “Slim is a dime” there is always a hater to say, “But she has on mad makeup.” I just don’t care. If you are dating a girl who looks better with makeup on that without it, I recommend you ask her to keep her makeup on when it’s business time.
Before we get too far here, lace fronts in the club are an epidemic. In about three years you will have to ask a chick to show a clean STD report and proof that she’s not already wearing a hat (#safesex). But to be perfectly honest with you, men didn’t know women were wearing lace fronts until they told us. You just thought she had “Indian” hair. “No woman’s hair should have all that SHINING.” My only issue with the lace fronts is do not walk in my crib and take it off and sit it on my table. You change your wig at your house on your own time.
Speaking of wigs, have you noticed that natural or fake, you couldn’t touch her hair anyway? I think the reason why I don’t care about the “fake” stuff is because it’s totally irrelevant. No man seriously decides not to bed or date a woman because her nails are acrylic. You can date a girl with green contacts, just don’t tell your boys those are fake contacts and no one but you and her will know. (On the real, if your girl wears fake contacts you have to let her take them out at night, or she will wake up looking like the green-eyed monster.)
Re: Makeup – It’s really not that bad when you think about it. As long as she doesn’t look like a Las Vegas showgirl, I’m cool with it. They even got waterproof makeup now for the pool party. Like I keep saying, it’s not about how you look when we strip you down to the core, it’s about how you look when someone is looking at you. Besides, when it’s dark you can’t tell anyway. Somebody mentioned the morning after… are you seriously judging someone when your face looks like you just went through a 15 round boxing match and your breath smells like feet?
Last, but not least a lot of men complain about women and how fake they are, but… EXCUSE me, have you noticed that a lot of men are fake. Did you tell the chicks you picked up at the club that you borrowed your boy’s Bentley tonight? Did you pop mad bottles of Cristiano at the club tonight? (Ever meet that dude popping the Nectar Imperial talking about, “they ran out of Rose”? Meanwhile, they are bringing more Rose to Sanchez’s table.) You know your Gucci Air Force Ones is fake. In fact, we all know they are fake. That is not an Audemars wrist watch, it’s a Casio. And we not even going to talk about Chicago men and those spray painted shape ups. You need more people. Moral of the story is, you’re single and complaining that all the women are fake. Get over it, everything is fake, welcome to the Matrix.
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